Thu. Feb 22nd, 2024

Raptured Birthday

By Subversify Staff Jan 21, 2011

The David

Ok then, I have to say that I am hoping the latest news from “Family Radio” results from some misreading of the prophesy. I mean, think about it, what would you do? Last year I underplayed my birthday. After all, I have had several of them, and thought that I had pretty much mastered how to celebrate the natal day. I thought that for however many are left to me, I would sail smoothly through them until the finale comes about. So, I underplayed.

Had I known what was to be in store, I would have celebrated time and again until every ounce of fun was rung from that twenty-four hour period. The date, you see, belongs to me.

Why do I sit here today feeling cheated? It is because my birthday has been stolen out from under me… or, at the very least, the date has been stolen. The date of my birth will, according to that so-called “Family Radio,” take on a whole new meaning, and enjoy a bright, white hot, albeit short lived fame.

I first received the news from a friend in an email. “Isn’t that scheduled for your birthday?” he asked. Damn, it sure is. Then, yesterday I was waiting (and waiting) in a car dealership, when suddenly I noticed peeking out from among the brochures advertising the 2011 line of new cars was a brightly colored post card sized notice that looked at first like an advertisement for an event set to appear at a night club or a theatre. Well, it was an advertisement of sorts, and it was for an event that was to appear not just locally, but world-wide.

Under a headline that shouted “Judgment Day,” was the date: May 21, 2011. Under the date there is an illustration of an hour glass, with the sand running to the bottom. On the back, I read the following: “Have You Heard the Awesome News? The End of the World Begins on May 21, 2011.” And should there be any argument about this, the following statement puts a cap on it: “The Bible Guarantees It.” That does it, the whole world is coming to an end in about four months… AND ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! It just isn’t fair, is it? How would you like it if someone scheduled the end of the world on your birthday? It ticks me off.

Think about the logistical problems something like this presents: For instance, if you are to be surprised with a party, how would one go about scheduling it? Is there a source that can tell you at what time the world is to end? I know the party time should not conflict with that other big event, it would not be good manners, but how would one know? Another problem I can think of has to do with gifts: If someone buys an electronic item, they would have to know not to spend the extra money on an extended warranty. If clothing was to be purchased as a gift, people would have to be sure of the size. After all, exchanges would be very difficult, and even Wal-Mart might have to be closed for the Rapture.

I suppose one option might be to invite friends to celebrate with me on an earlier date. Would it be permissible to invite them for an early celebration on May 20th, and then add a second invitation to stay on for the End of The World? Would that encourage or discourage attendance?

You see my quandary? I mean, people born on May 20th or on May 22nd are not faced with these problems, and I have to wonder what prompted the powers that be to schedule an event of such great magnitude as The End of the World on my birthday.

I have been a bible reader, but not a biblical scholar, and I have most certainly never come across anything therein that even suggested such a special event was to take place on May 21, 2011. Had I only known, I could have had a contingency plan made and ready to go.

I am pretty sure that not too many people other than “Family Radio” have the skinny on all of this, so, before the word gets out and is heard loud and clear, I want to ask that they kindly change the date. It shouldn’t be too difficult to change the date. Maybe Judgment Day could be scheduled for Easter Sunday, or for a similar date when even once a year Christians might find their way into the churches. And what about those of other Faiths, are they invited?

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9 thoughts on “Raptured Birthday”
  1. David – there’ve actually been several people who’ve predicted the ‘end of the world’ from Biblical sources, and even more who’ve posited a date for the ‘Rapture’ (or, as I’m fond of calling it, ‘The Great Snatch’).

    All of these people, from John Darby (the father of ‘Dispensationalism’; it’s Dispensationalism we have to blame for all this ‘Rapture’ nonsense) to Hal Lindsay (the nutbag who wrote ‘The Late Great Planet Earth’ – his logic was that the End would come in 1988, as that was one generation, or forty years, after Israel ‘became a nation again’.)

    A guy named Miller duped nearly 200,000 people in 1843; most of his followers sold everything and waited for the End; when it didn’t happen, he changed the date to 1844. (It’s worth noting that no one strung the loony bastard up by his nuts; in fact, from this failed prediction came the Seventh Day Adventist church!)

    There’ve been others, but this lot are the ones who come to mind.

    Regardless — I’ll be here (and so will everyone else, more or less) on May 21st.

    I’ll wish you a happy birthday.


  2. I am Spartacus …. May 21, 2011 will come for all of us, soon enough .. if anyone believes this and has a really nice property, I will pay cash, not much, after all, what will it be worth on the 22nd ????

  3. I wouldn’t fret it – this world is going to go straight into the toilet sooner or later regardless of anything that we do. So looking to books written by ignorant mystics (who were probably on some serious drugs – just read “Revelations” from start to finish: it’s practically an acid trip!) for insights into the inevitable demise of this planet is a waste of time.

    Go forth, enjoy your birthday and prepare yourself to live out your one and only life as you see fit – the end of the world means nothing in the big picture anyway…

  4. The world will end in ice. That’s why the Japanese are cloning a mammoth. They’ll have the monopoly on herd animals.

  5. Stamping Out Harold Camping

    I don’t care a fig for date-setters, especially those who predict when Christ will return. The current champion is 89-year-old, headline-grabbing Harold Camping of Family Radio fame.
    Is Second Coming date-setter Harold Camping worthy of death? He already has a zero batting average after his September 1994 prediction fizzle and, according to the Bible, is a false prophet.
    Nevertheless that California shaman, who should be ashamed, claims he’s found out that Christ’s return will be on May 21, 2011 even though Matt. 24:36 says that no one knows the “day” or “hour” of it!
    A Google article (“Obama Fulfilling the Bible”) points out that “Deut. 18:20-22 in the Old Testament requires the death penalty for false prophets.”
    The same article reveals that “Christians are commanded to ask God to send severe judgment on persons who commit and support the worst forms of evil (see I Cor. 5 and note ‘taken away’).”
    Theologically radioactive Harold Camping and his ga-ga groupies (with their billboards featuring “May 21, 2011”) should worry about being “stamped out” if many persons decide to follow the I Cor. 5 command.
    The above article concludes: “False prophets in the OT were stoned to death. Today they are just stoned!”
    PS – For many years Camping was not known as a pretrib rapture teacher. But now, for $ome my$teriou$ rea$on, he seeks support from those who believe in and teach an imminent, pretrib rapture which supposedly will occur SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE the traditional SECOND COMING to earth! For a behind-the-scenes, documented look at the 181-year-old pretrib rapture belief (which was never a part of any official theology or organized church before 1830!), Google “Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty,” “Pretrib Rapture Diehards” and “Pretrib Rapture – Hidden Facts.” These are from the pen of journalist/historian Dave MacPherson a.k.a the “Pretrib Rapture Answerman” & the “Rush Limbaugh of the Rapture” – author of the bestselling book “The Rapture Plot,” an “encyclopedia” of pretrib rapture history (see Armageddon Books).

  6. Big Party at my house on the 21st…… Wait until you see the entertainment. I offer you a ring side seat to perdition. 😉

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