Tue. Jun 18th, 2024

By W.D. Noble

(Most of you are aware that President Obama made an official statement right after Tuesday’s election, referring to the thrashing the Dems took as “humbling” – then went on to offer an olive-branch to the Republicans by way of ‘working together’.

The Republicans, on the other hand, sufficiently disabused both Obama and the rest of the country of any notion of bipartisan cooperation – in his victory-speech, John Boehner called the election a ‘repudiation of Washington’ and promised to repeal the health-care bill.

It’s evident that cooperation isn’t on their minds. The choice for Obama and his administration, it would appear, is akin to the one given condemned criminals in Utah back in the day – the choice between being hung, or shot.

Either way, absent a miracle it’s looking more and more like one-and-done for Obama. He did it to himself, by pandering to the special-interests, the military and the mob. The mob has returned the favor by taking a great big bite out of that hand-offered-in-friendship.

These people don’t want friends.

If Obama wants to save anything out of his administration, he’s going to have to take action, now, before the new Congress is seated – apart from that, he’s going to have to settle in for two years of political gridlock while America’s economy follows suit and grinds to a halt.

This action has to be decisive –and it has to make up for two years of lost time. Rather than publicly acknowledge that a can of whup-ass had been opened on his agenda, he should have said something like this:)


“My fellow Americans – good evening.

I have let you down.

You voted for change – and in the first thirty days of my administration, I could have done what I’m about to do, but instead the only thing I accomplished of any note was to hold a Super Bowl party and rubber-stamp a lot of the prior administration’s initiatives.

I’m here to tell you that the change for which you voted is here, and will begin tonight.

If I’ve learned anything from this election, it’s this – courage requires the acceptance that loss is inevitable. A soldier on a battlefield, to be effective, has to accept that his death is a likely outcome of his actions. An athlete on the field has to accept that loss is an outcome of competition. A businessperson knows that, when founding a business, only 50% of new companies survive their first five years.

I have accepted, in stark terms, that I will be a one-term president.

My greatest mistake was in believing that I could make a difference by not acting, and by waiting for others to see the light through gentle, intellectual persuasion. I see now that this is not the case.

To those who spent millions of dollars on shadow organizations to purchase the government from the people – to those of you who believe that progressivism is weak – to those of you who despise the America we would create – to those of you who believe that the subjugation of other people is right – to those of you who would send families homeless in the streets while lining your own pockets – and finally, to those of you who are the legions of bitter extremists, clinging to religion and guns – change is coming.


Unlike most of my critics, I studied the Constitution in law school. I see nothing in that document which declares Congress a ‘lame duck’ after an election. To that end, I am instructing the current Majority Leader to draft legislation extending unemployment benefits indefinitely, or until the current unemployment rate is below 5%. A vote will be taken on this measure when Congress is back in session, and before the Thanksgiving holiday.

Further, I am directing her to draft legislation, in concert with the Federal Elections Commission, to create a publicly-funded elections program. This legislation will effectively prohibit the outright purchase of an election such as what we’ve just seen, and will also severely curtail the actions of political-action committees and lobbyists.

To those who will scream that this is a restriction of free speech – again; I’ve read the Constitution, and there’s nothing in it that guarantees a person the right to shout ‘fire!’ in a crowded theatre – or to purchase influence by way of campaign contributions. We have laws against graft and corruption. Once this new bill is law, we will begin to see a government which reflects the true nature of the country – and not the interests of a few.

Lastly, I am directing the Speaker to assist in the preparation of legislation to make permanent the effects of my next actions. The remainder these actions will take the form of executive orders. They are as follows:

1. By executive order, I am closing the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. All detainees will be transferred to Federal prisons where their cases will be reviewed. Any for whom legitimate cases cannot be brought will be repatriated to their home countries.

2. By executive order, I am issuing a 90-day stand-down in Afghanistan and Iraq. Command authorities in those countries will be given one week to create a plan for an orderly withdrawal of troops. By late winter, 2011, every soldier in both of those countries will be home. In the event this is considered a sign of weakness, please understand – our commitment to the defense of our borders is as high as it has ever been. Any attempt made by any nation, person, or power to interfere with that withdrawal or to otherwise attack our country or its interests will be met with force. We will not, however, continue the dreadful practice of my predecessor in conducting undeclared wars.

3. By executive order, I am repealing the Patriot Act, the Military Commissions Act and other orders issued by my predecessor which either violated Constitutionally-guaranteed civil-liberties or restricted same. A full list of these repealed acts and orders will be made available tomorrow morning.

4. By executive order, I am ending the policy of ‘don’t-ask/don’t-tell’ in the U.S. Military.

5. By executive order, I am ordering a hard-stop on any and all foreclosures of privately-owned homes in the United States and an immediate investigation into the loan-and-foreclosure practices of the nation’s banks. I will not see another family evicted in America until we can sort out the mess caused by Wall Street and the banking system.

Folks, the other day I saw a car – it had three bumper-stickers; one read, “We are creating enemies faster than we can kill them”. The other read, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.”

The last one read, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Personal philosophies can’t be summed up in bumper-sticker language. Neither can national policies. However, you hired me to be the change you wanted to see, if not in the world, at least here in America.

I can promise you this. From now on, I will be the change which most of you want to see. We will cease creating enemies in the world. We will pay attention to your outrage, and to that of the family of nations. We will begin to repair – permanently – the problems our predecessors have created.

I will take more action over the next two weeks – action involving regulation of the financial markets, the insurance companies, and to begin dealing with the mess that is health care in America.

I owe you that.

Yes, I’m going to be a one-term president. And, that’s fine with me.

To my opponents – bring it on. I can deal with it.

To all of you, I’ll end by quoting one of my favorite T.V. pundits – good night, and good luck.”

By astranavigo

Astra is one of the clever monkeys occupying space on the Third Planet From The Sun. While it was an early wish of Astra's to be one of the first to go to Proxima Centauri, he knows this is not to be; instead, you can find him here (some of the time) using simple tools to create communication. Holding up a mirror and saying 'Looky! Mistofer Emperor! Y'ain't wearin' no clothes!" is but one of the services he provides here. Others are subverting prevailing wisdom, peeing in people's Cheerios, trashing on their Imaginary Friends (he does this a lot,) and shifting paradigms without benefit of a clutch. He lives in Portland, Oregon, where he hopes he'll never have to learn the true meaning of some of his dystopian fiction.

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6 thoughts on “The Speech I Wish Obama Had Made….”
  1. If only the President had the balls to do this, i would be one of those on his bandwagon. But he didn’t, and the shouts of the maddened crowd have become deafening. I just read today an article about how Obama’s 700 billion bailout weakened the dollar; a story we all know; but with an additional catch. China has not yet strengthened the value of its own currency so as to keep the US, its biggest buyer, supplied with cheap labor. In the meantime, American industry continues to be unaffordable to the American public.

  2. Ha! Like such a speech is ever going to come from a bought-and-paid-for stooge of special interests!

    Reading this article reminded me of a little fantasy of my own – one involving Death Note-style scenario where I can write out all the details of *anyone’s* death and have it come true: I would make all members of the politcial class (from the President, his Cabinet, the Supreme Court, both houses of Congress – all the way down to the local mayors and councilmen) give long and detailed speeches to the public about all their dirty, corrupt dealings, apologize for them, admit their utter failure as “representatives of the people” and commit suicide simultaniously!

    I know it’s kinda farfetched, but I can dream…

  3. I had been wondering if anybody could possibly tell me what the midterm elections might suggest for free college awards. It appears to be the Republicans will certainly look to cut every thing they can cut and that almost certainly means grants for higher education. Simply put i don’t know precisely how these people believe this nation will ever remain competitive, if your price of higher education continues to rise, although grants get more challenging to acquire. It can be depressing to imagine I’ll be in debt $40,000 or maybe more and not knowing if I may actually get a job opportunity after I graduate in this tight economy.

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