Can Spending Fix the Holiday Blues?
- by Subversify Staff
- Posted on 22 December, 2008
5 Holiday Must Haves
5. Merchandise assurance devices. You know your niece really wanted that Malibu Barbie, but that bitch in the red high heals elbowed you in the gut to get the last one on the shelf. Rather than suppress your sense of civility in favor of a good holiday shanking, you can now use tools that allow you safely secure the merchandise with minimum effort on your part.
4. Behavior inhibitors. You wouldn’t attempt baking a cake without the yeast, not unless a flat lump of goo is your idea of baking. In the cesspool of American malls, one needs to abandon any sense of humanity in order to secure merchandise. In order to insure the appropriate mindset, its best to use some of the tried and true methods for erasing any of those rational faculties that might get in the way of making harsh or rash purchasing decisions.
3. Debt accumulation tools. Like the Visa commercial insists, you’ll feel far better making purchases with plastic than cash. Sure it costs you in finance fees and interest rates, but if you used cash you wouldn’t have those fashionably decorated cards and the wondrous beeping and sliding action that brings happiness to so many. And the best part is that you don’t have to think about all the money you spend right away, the magic of debt allows you transplant all those negative feelings of obligation and buyers remorse far into the future when the bills arrive.
Anonymous: Hello Subversify, is it true that holiday spending can help the Holiday blues? Hello Anonymous, I’m glad you asked. Tis the season to decorate our abodes with seizure inducing light displays and stack up the credit cards near the front door in anticipation of debt crazed spending frenzy known as holiday shopping. Having done…
I’ve solved my shopping problem. Since all my family members are enthralled with that shiny little piece of plastic that commit that wonderful harmony of click and hum when sliced through a machine, I’ve bought them all fifty dollar gift cards. They can bargain shop the aftermath of the great holiday explosion. Run along children, and spend happily. Just remember, this is not a credit card. There is a limit to how much you can accumulate with it.
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