Tips on Being a Fairy Tale Lesbian

by The Late Mitchell Warren

“The End of the Magical Kingdom: The Evil Princess” discusses pressing social issues in a fairy tale world. And its plot of a fairy tale princess who falls for a witch could be considered a criticism of religion and politics.

So here is the book’s own Princess Mary Melancholy presenting 10 tips on being a fairy tale lesbian.

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Artwork by Regina Fetrow

1. “Don’t randomly sing to animals in the forest. It makes people think you’re on drugs.”

2. “Meditation and the support of your friends help…but I tell you, alcohol really makes a difference.”

3. “People with evil smiles…really are kind of evil. Don’t trust them!”

4. “Don’t wear heels when wandering in the wilderness.”

5. “Your mother is always going to give you a hard time. Now that I’ve come out her whole thing is, “You don’t seem gay enough.”

6. “Expect some sword fights.”

7. “Voodoo helps.”

8. “Don’t hold your breath on Disney to make any inspirational films to help you through this difficult time.”

9. “Be very careful when using the word pussy to describe your girlfriend’s cat.”

10. “Whatever you do, don’t tell Prince Charming!”\

“So a Princess Falls in Love with a Witch…”

Why does the princess always have to fall in love with the prince? For that matter, why does the proverbial singing fairy tale princess have to fall in love with a man at all? The premise of “The End of the Magical Kingdom” is a princess (a parody of a ditzy Disney princess) realizing her true identity when she falls in love with a beautiful witch named Salem. A princess-witch romance ensues which causes a controversy in the fictional island of “Cadabra”.

The story really takes off when the kingdoms around her react to her decision to forgo Happily Ever After and to pursue romance with a witch instead. The witch is viewed as the fairy tale equivalent of a terrorist (or “horrorist”) which only makes matters worse, since she is an outcast of “civilized society” and doesn’t follow any leader or established kingdom.

The allegorical book series is not only a parody of singing fairy tale romances and love clichés, but also a fierce commentary on political and religious issues that matter today. On the surface it is about LGBTQIA rights, but the layers of the story reveal a great deal of political insight, especially with follow up books in the series named curiously, “The Saint of Science”, and “The Watchmaker’s Child”, which are about other Cadabra princesses facing similar situations.

This princess-witch romance was inspired by The Brothers Grimm, Animal Farm, and the old TV series “SOAP”.

The End of the Magical Kingdom: The Evil Princess is on sale now.