Fuck You and Your Fucking Selfies

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Warning: This post by The Late Mitchell Warren does not necessarily reflect the views of Subversify Magazine…or maybe it does, because you are kind of a piece of crap if you take selfies with dead things.

 

Nobody cares about your stupid face.

I say that as a man and as a man who enjoys classy photography, lots of smiling and happy people (except during the mornings), and of course, the occasional R-rated sex scene involving butter.  Taking photos used to be a wonderful family pastime, not to mention a brilliant means of producing art—enshrining a moment that will be forever ingrained in your mind.  Through the brilliance of photography, we were able to share the static mental imagery that shapes our thoughts and thinking.  We were also able to convey great pathos, whether that was pain, love, humanity, horror or humor.

But YOU people came along with your fucking stupid selfies and dared to interfere with the primal forces of nature!  And no, I say that not as an homage to Sidney Lumet’s Network, but in reference to the psychosis going around natural habitats lately.

via GIPHY

 

 

What on earth possesses young and stupid apes and to drag dolphins and sharks out of the water just for a stupid selfie of your god-awful, retarded, ugly zit-infested fuck of a face?  What in the name of Science inspires otherwise smart youth to shoot animals in wildlife reservations just so they can take a fucking selfie next to a dead carcass and smile like a deranged lunatic straight out of Cannibal Holocaust?

Your face standing next to a dead animal isn’t attractive, you stupid fucking Affluenza-affected delinquent jackass piece of shit son of a bitch.  You know what you look like when you pose next to dead things?  You look like Ted Bundy, smiling after a sadistic bludgeoning and gouging.  You look like Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka grinning at the camera as they rape innocent people.  You look like Ed Gein, smiling, while dressed in human skins from victims he scalped himself because he was a *lunatic*.  (Remember that word “lunatic”, it comes up again at the end of this article)

Or to put it in language you fucking assholes might better understand, you look like a fucking zombie on The Walking Dead, opening your disgusting, maggot-infested face and crying for attention even though you’re pretty much dead and empty inside, you cocksucking soulless bastard.

When you stand next to a dead animal, or feel compelled to torture an animal just so you can gross us all out with your stupid whore of a face, you have reminded us that you have no life.  No reason for existing other than to show your skank-smelling butt-face with the illusion that you’re doing something interesting.  Ironically, you are NOT, you jackass bitch, because all you’re doing is reporting in real time your crimes against nature (and probably against state law too, you idiots) and how the only way you ever actually “DO” anything in your go-nowhere, do nothing life, besides masturbate and drink soda pop, is that you are capable of causing immense suffering to others who are just minding their own business.

You have proven, on video and for the whole world to see, that you are irredeemably stupid, and ugly, and egomaniacal (not in the funny show business way but in the “no one will ever want to live with you” sort of way) and are completely un-cute, un-fuckable and undeserving of love, and undeserved of anything short of a hard smack to the face, you cruel and evil motherfucker.

If I had a heart, I might tell you pricks and cunts to stop taking so many selfies or else you might die…but that wouldn’t actually stop you from doing it, would it?  Considering that we lose many of our best and brightest Darwin nominees when they fall off a building or a cliff taking a fucking stupid selfie of their moronic face—which tragically they never even realized, meant nothing in social value, since walking to the top of a surface and going like this:

 

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Stop it, just stop it!!! STOP!!

 

Is not really accomplishing anything significant in life.

Have you ever noticed that most “great” photos of the past involved the aftermath of some great moment that humanity tuned into to vicariously experience and come to transcendent understanding?  Like these…


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Moments of progress, of mutual understanding, of tragedy, of happiness and natural awe.

Very few photos ever taken in history ever commemorated something as worthless and infantile as your stupid face smiling just because you have taken the time to admire your own tentative beauty and you narcissistically want others to eat your ass, because you’re just so fucking talented at smiling and standing there going like this:


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Please don’t duplicate this image thinking you’re being ironic. Arnie, god bless him, was mentally challenged. You’re not.



Now I know your instinct says that you are taking all these selfies to remember your youth, since one day your physical beauty will match the haggard scowling animal-snuffing wretchedness that you already are inside.

Which is all fine and dandy, but just to make it interesting, why not take these pictures indoors, with your friends and family, and perhaps wear a costume, or a nice dress, or a suit—something that’s more flattering to your ego than just your sadistic rape face standing there as some poor helpless animal suffocates?

How odd that when photography was first introduced into culture, subjects took great pride in their appearance, and typically shot themselves from a small distance.  Because, usually, extreme close up  shots are not flattering.

In other words, you showing your gross zitty face and snot-filled nostrils while holding some dying lemur in HD camera quality, is actually making YOU look kind of errrrr, hideous.

As a matter of fact, in practically every artistic industry out there, extreme close up shots are avoided except for the following exceptions:

Hardcore Pornography: Where your beautiful moment of bukakke is intended to emphasize what a whore you’ve become and how your life is so empty you just need to gurgle cum and pretend to be happy in between moments of slicing-yourself-zen.

Death and Torture: Many serial killers prefer to relive their perversions by taking extreme close ups of their victims suffering, crying and screaming at the camera.  Many of these snuff selfies were confiscated as evidence because they were too gruesome to ever see.

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OMG that’s such a cool selfie!

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LOL So bad ass, man! <3 <3 😀 😀

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Awww so cute & nerdy! LOL

 

Much like your face, is too gruesome to ever see, once you decide to take a selfie and endanger someone’s life for no other reason so that you can “check in” to some place no one cares about and post your face next to a dying animal because you have a COMPLETE LACK OF IMAGINATION AND NOTHING BUT NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATHIC SADISM to offer the world.

So yes, while I am guilty of taking a few vanity photos of my hot bod—and that’s never been the problem, ass face—I am completely intolerant of people who cause pain and emotional suffering when they selfie.  Forget the poor animal who is being snuffed, you rapist-murderer who documents your own crimes—how about me?!  I experience pain and suffering every time I look at your blood-thirsty grinning face, worrying about the life of that poor creature that did nothing to you…you nasty foul-smelling precum of a limp cock.

As far as I’m concerned, there is no difference between you taking a selfie with a dying animal and you starring in a Squish video where you’re paid to stomp a poor innocent kitty to death.  The level of sadism is comparable, and actually you’re one step lower on the total pole of depravity, since the poor Asian girl is probably committing these horrific acts for money and because of human trafficking coercion…

Whereas you are just bored, and just a stupid butt-munching, rectal probe of a fucking sewage-for-brains imbecile.

So I want you to ask yourself the next time you feel the need to show your GIANT FACE in front of millions of Facebook users…

  1. Is this selfie hurting anybody or risking anyone’s life – including your own?
  2. Am I rejoicing in someone’s death, humiliation or pain – like a serial killer?
  3. Am I taking a bunch of animal snuff selfies because I have no purpose in life except to make other life forms miserable and taunt the world with my crimes (however, unlike the Zodiac Killer, a sadistic genius, you’re just a tard who actually photographs your crimes just daring to be – deservedly – publicly shamed and or arrested) because I am obviously a *lunatic*?

In honor of your serial killing selfie spree I am coining a new expression:

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Oooh you’re so pretty standing next to dead things, psycho.

 

THE SNUFFIE – It means you go around killing or torturing things, while smiling, just begging to be arrested, or beaten to death by an angry mob and deserve to have your stupid ass Shawshanked repeatedly.

 

Good Day, Asshole