“Everybody is Like Hitler”
by Late Mitchell Warren
With so many people comparing President Obama to Hitler, Donald Trump to Hitler, and one’s own mother to Hitler, I thought it appropriate to join in the fun and compare myself, a local author with a book to sell, to Adolf Hitler of Nazi Germany. After all, if one’s life even remotely resembles the life of Hitler, the notorious chancellor of Germany, then that is obviously cause for concern.
The moment you realize that you are in fact following in such an evil’s man life pattern is the moment you realize you have to start making changes in your life, politics or religion, so that the Hitler comparisons will stop. So without further hyperbole, and certainly without further adieu or unnecessary stalling with superfluous words, here is my list of why I, The Late Mitchell Warren, am like Hitler.
Somehow, I hope this list helps people to flex their imagination and knowledge of history, so that they pick someone else to compare their most hated politician to – maybe Stalin, Genghis Khan or my personal favorite, Jabba the Hutt.
The point being is that everyone is like Hitler. Depending on just how angry you make a person to merit such comparisons.
Hitler vs. The Late Mitchell Warren
- Hitler approved of sex dolls for his military saying, “It is our duty to prevent soldiers from risking their health for the sake of a quick adventure.”
- Mitchell, while not admitting to using sex dolls, has stated “Some of them are very beautiful.”
- Hitler renounced meat forever and became a vegetarian.
- Mitchell did the same and is a vegetarian and talks about going vegan all the time, though he hasn’t done it yet.
- Hitler was an unsuccessful artist before his political career. He was rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna twice.
- Mitchell hasn’t sold many copies of Attempted Rapture and when he gets angry he does yell and scream, and sort of has a weird mustache thing going.
- Hitler thought smoking was a waste of money and discouraged his friends from smoking.
- Mitchell does the same thing and is constantly harping on e-cigs as a healthier replacement.
- Hitler had a girlfriend and married shortly before his death.
- Mitchell had a girlfriend and then married her. He’s cheating death now and frankly it’s surprising he’s still alive.
- When Hitler was criticized about his mustache, he replied “If it is not the fashion now, it will be because I wear it.”
- That’s what Mitchell says all the time.
- As a child, Hitler hated school.
- Mitchell did too. In fact, while Hitler had only one teacher that he liked, Mitchell credited 0 with his success in life—success which is debatable.
- Carl Jung said Hitler’s signature showed “essentially feminine instinct.”
- Do you notice how many bratty, conniving and angry female protagonists are in Mitchell’s books?
- Although Hitler was technically a Catholic, he thought Christianity was “too “meek” and “flabby.”
- Mitchell – same!
- Hitler was 5 foot ten inches
- Mitchell is 5 foot ten or eleven inches give or take
- Hitler broke free from banking cartels
- Mitchell always rants about how much he hates bankers
- Hitler emphasized great respect for women, choosing a woman to make a documentary about the Third Reich.
- Mitchell always checks the “rules of feminism” before making an offensive joke
- Hitler banned live animal experimentation
- Mitchell likes PETA’s page
- Hitler went around saying, “That person is so evil he’s like me! And what he wants to do is a page straight out of my book!”
- Mitchell can’t shut up about his book, his latest being the political satire novel The End of the Magical Kingdom: The Evil Princess
In closing, NO, nobody is like Hitler except Hitler. Just imagine that in World War I when propaganda in Germany was raging, Kaiser Wilhelm II probably said “That is such a Napoleon thing to do! Anyone who disagrees with me is basically Napoleon! Stop being like Napoleon and say something original.”