Mon. Jul 15th, 2024

lower_back_painBy Adeel Ahmad

I am Butt-Hurt; Literally Butt Hurt !! As in, I have a 1cm laceration around my nether regions. Just came back from the Doc’s. I thought it was a tail bone cyst but it wasn’t. It is just your everyday Butt Hurt; the kind you get when you have to travel 4 hours extensively to and from work every day. I have been lucky enough to be prescribed an ointment, That is more than what I can say for Humanity in particular and Planet earth in general. You see, little did I know my own personal and private Butt Hurt would be the inspiration to once again awaken the inner sage that makes me put pen to Paper.

Welcome to Planet Butt Hurt, or as we all know it, Planet Earth. Here we harvest not crops, but the combined global Butt Hurt of one class over another. Farmers cause Butt Hurt to Earth itself and give rise to crops for our grains. They cause Butt Hurt to animals in their nether regions to produce the milk and butter for our dairy needs and the ultimate Butt Hurt to them for our protein needs. Producing an egg every day is nothing short of a Butt Hurt, in a class of its own for the humble chicken. Moving up the chain the process of keeping life populated and sustained, from the humble mitosis and meiosis to the Cesarean section is nothing but Butt Hurt on different levels, each engineered by the divine hand for different species. To each their own. Life begins and ends with Butt Hurt.butthurt-cream-dawgmaspatentedbutthurtcream1

Our industry, Business, Workplaces, Stock exchanges, all trade in not commodities but Butt Hurt. We don’t get pay cheques we get Butt Hurt allowances and that too comes with Butt hurt when 30% of the total gets cut in terms of Butt Hurt Tax because obviously we are not getting enough Butt hurt to Begin with. Our work force structure is an attire of the Butt hurt water fall model. Everything trickles down from the top and with each step the Corporate Butt Hurt gets amplified a bit more.

If we hold Einstein’s Quote true: “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another,” by Extension we can safely assume that Butt Hurts cannot be created nor destroyed we just play our part in changing their form from one sort of Butt Hurt on to the next, Spreading the seed of Butt Hurt from one generation to

As a social species, we humans have cognitive skills embedded within the fabric of our very being in particular & in the society we create in general. Our Cognitive skills are both conscious and unconscious, concrete and abstract. As well as intuitive and conceptual. we use existing knowledge and generate new knowledge. Unfortunately, somehow we still chose to call a social Butt Hurt anything but a Butt Hurt. We have called Butt Hurts by a billion names and imposed them, implemented them and enforced them upon ourselves. All in the name of salvation. Here I list but a few of Butt Hurts:

Absolutism-ButtHurt, Anarchism-ButtHurt, Capitalism-ButtHurt, Collectivism-ButtHurt, Communism-ButtHurt, Democratism-ButtHurt, Despotism-ButtHurt, Fascism-ButtHurt, Federalism-ButtHurt, Feudalism-ButtHurt, Liberalism-ButtHurt, Libertarianism-ButtHurt, Marxism-ButtHurt, Monarchism-ButtHurt, Nationalism-ButtHurt, Nazism-ButtHurt, Republicanism-ButtHurt, Socialism-ButtHurt, Theocratism-ButtHurt, Totalitarianism-ButtHurt and last but not the least “I will do whatever i want because i have the power and resources to do it-ButtHurt or in simple words (American Democracy-ism-GlobalButthurt)”. Our social fabric is made out of Butt Hurts and our global politics is driven by them.butthurt-everywhere_auto-154207

I am not saying Butt Hurts are a bad thing. Inherently, like in my case today, they can be and are inspirational. We have sifted through all sorts of means at our disposal throughout history to conjure up Butt hurts of all shapes and sizes, without realizing that Butt Hurts are what keep us going motivated and on our tippy toes. Whenever there was or is need for a revolution, a Butt Hurt presents itself conveniently and ripens up and defecates it’s bliss on to the Butt Hurt influenced populous a new Butt Hurt that is slightly less tolerable then the previous one and so on and so forth. Butt Hurts have carved a bloody path throughout the human history.

Butt Hurt is what keeps our Military industrial complexes gears oiled up, I don’t to name names but Uncle Sam has perfected the art of Butt Hurt and exporting Butt Hurt in plentiful amounts to both sides of any and all conflicts on the planet earth over the last 80 years. Be it Latin America, Mexico, Vietnam, Africa, Asia, Europe, Middle East; everywhere abundant Murican Butt Hurt can be traced in sufficient amounts as it makes the weapons industry sales go up up up. I don’t doubt for a sec that if and when evolution catches up with the Penguins and sea lion of Antarctica, Uncle Sam will be the first one to distribute democratic Butt Hurt on Antarctica too.

Nothing like a good Butt Hurt stimulus to keep all the global powers at each other’s throats, so that the political and military factories keep manufacturing literal and metaphorical Butt Hurt ammunition to keep up the demand for spilling Young blood on both sides of the conflicts. Butt Hurt of this sort keeps the old and the Butt Hurt Rich and the Eyes of the Poor and desperate Butt Hurt mothers wet just enough to keep the perpetual dance of Butt Hurt life and Butt Hurt death going.

So as I lay here on my belly while the ointment works its miracle on my personal Butt Hurt I am reassuring myself that a little Butt Hurt isn’t a bad thing, but I am lucky enough to get an ointment prescribed. Is there going to be a time in our global existence, with all the knowledge and technology at our disposal, to prescribe an ointment for our global and very real Butt Hurt?

Will there come a time when the Honest labor of a man doesn’t have to be a Butt Hurt ?

Will we see a day when Butt Hurt stops being the fuel and driving force for the military industrial complex?

Would there come a silver lining where Butt Hurts would not be exploited for political and religious gains?

Would there come a time when we use our resources to feed and cloth every human on the planet instead of devising new and efficient ways to cause them more Butt Hurt.

I leave the discussion open ……….




By karlsie

Some great perversity of nature decided to give me a tune completely out of keeping with the general symphony; possibly from the moment of conception. I learned to read and speak almost simultaneously. The blurred and muffled world I heard through my first five years of random nerve loss deafness suddenly came alive with the clarity of how those words sounded on paper. I had been liberated for communications. I decided there was nothing more wonderful than writing. It was easier to write than carefully modulate my speech for correct pronunciation, and it was easier to read than patiently follow the movements of people’s lips to learn what they were saying. It was during that dawning time period, while I slowly made the connection that there weren’t that many other people who heard the way I did, halfway between sound and music, half in deafness, that I began to understand that the tune I was following wasn’t quite the same as that of my classmates. I was just a little different. General education taught me not only was I just a little isolated from my classmates, my home was just a little isolated from the outside world. I was born in Alaska, making me part of one of the smallest, quietest minorities on earth. I decided I could live with this. What I couldn’t live with was discovering a few years later, in the opening up of the pipeline, which coincided with my first year of junior college, that there were entire communities of people; more than I could possibly imagine; living impossibly one on top of another in vast cities. It wasn’t even the magnitude of this vision that inspired me so much as the visitors who came from these populous regions and seemed to possess a knowledge so great and secretive I could never learn it in any book. I became at once, very conscious of how rural I was and how little I knew beyond the scope of my environment. I decided it was time to travel. The rest is history; or at least, the content of my stories. I traveled... often to college campuses, dropping in and out of school until one fine day by chance I’d fashioned a bachelor of arts degree in psychology. I’ve worked a couple of newspapers, had a few poems and stories tossed around in various small presses, never receiving a great deal of money, which I’m assured is the norm for a writer. I spent ten years in Mexico, watching the peso crash. There is some obscure reason why I did this, tightening up my belt and facing hunger, but I believe at the time I said it was for love. Here I am, back home, in my beloved Alaska. I’ve learned somewhat of a worldly viewpoint; at least I like to flatter myself that way. I’ve also learned my rural roots aren’t so bad after all. I work in a small, country store. Every day I greet the same group of local customers, but make no mistake. My store isn’t a scene out of Andy Griffith. The people who enter the establishment, which also includes showers, laundry and movie rentals, are miners, oil workers, truck drivers, construction engineers, dog sled racers and carpenters. Sometimes, on the liquor side, the conversations became adult only in vocabulary. It’s a good thing, on the opposite side of the store is a candy aisle filled with the most astonishing collection, it will keep a kid occupied with just wishing for hours. If you tell your kids they can have just one, you have an instant baby sitter; better than television; as they agonize over their choice while you catch up on the gossip with your neighbor. We also receive a lot of tourists, a lot of foreign visitors. They are usually amazed at this first sign of Alaskan rural life style beyond the insulating hub of the Anchorage bowl. Many of them like to hang around and chat. They gawk at our thieves wanted posters. They laugh at our jokes and camaraderie with our customers. I’ve learned another lesson while working there. You don’t have to go out and find the world. If you wait long enough, it comes to you.

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One thought on “PLANET BUTT HURT”
  1. Existence is struggle. (=butt hurt??) The world is transitory. Clinging to the transitory is a hopeless struggle. (=ass rape?)

    Nothing of what transpires on this planet is even slightly important, but you have to look at it from the proper perspective to see it. You have to be dead to realize the unimportance, or you can simulate the viewpoint. All you have to do is try to picture something important, as a corpse.

    If things are only important because we’re alive, then it’s more accurate to say that our being alive is what’s important. This pre-programmed survival ethic has been expanded in modern times to include not just survival, but pretty much everything under the sun.

    Don’t pity the oppressed. The ones running around desparately trying to survive Uncle Sam’s brutality. Pity the oppressors, the ones who have no true notion of struggle for survival. The ones who believe their cars, houses, bank accounts, clothes, shoes, etc. etc. are important. They don’t have a chance in hell.

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