Dr. Phal Promotes a New Male Performance Product

1. From now on i’m going to be leery of men who can talk me under the table. Not that i have a great deal to worry about. I’ve reached that age where my bargaining power is more in what i own than what i’m able to pack into a tight sweater.

2. I have to admit that I’m leery of talking women under the table too – ever since the last time when unfortunately there was a mountie walking through and the woman and I were fined for “performing an indecent act in a public place”. You also should not discount the overwhelming amorous desires that flow through men, no matter the age of a woman – I was watching a documentary recently on a 79 year old woman who did not date anyone older than forty. She wasn’t rich but she had a full dance card nonetheless.

3. Did Dr. Phal just cut a new rap song?

4. I have to blame this on Kanye West. I was working on the lines when the boys shouted that I had to come to the living room fast, they were playing my song on some music countdown show. I was expecting maybe retro Ramones or something but no, it was Kanye West. I asked them why they would think that this would be “my song”. The nine year old answered, “he said this one’s for the douche bags – ain’t that was Mrs. Herron calls ya all the time?”

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