“On the last episode of Raining Cats & Dogs, Tashi devised an ingenious plan to betray and murder Fido. He impersonated a human being over the phone and asked animal control to come pick Fido up and put him to sleep.
Unfortunately, his plan didn’t turn out as he predicted. Soon enough PETA got involved and dognapped Fido and Puffball the Munchkin cat, apparently saving them from certain sleep at the hands of animal control.
However, Tashi’s betrayal sin still continue to haunt the cocker spaniel species to this day and he can hardly fall asleep himself.
Meanwhile, the other dogs in the pound are becoming impatient with Puffball’s leadership, and are paranoid that this idealistic young cat is leading them all into certain destruction.
Most of the sleep-deprived and cranky mutts are doubting PETA’s intentions, but Fido urged his brothers to listen to the Puffball…or think of a better idea.
Confused? Going to sleep yourself? You might drift after this episode of Raining Cats & Dogs.”
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 1
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 2
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 3
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 4
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 5
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 6
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 7
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 8
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 9
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 10
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 11
The following Sunday, in the evening hours, a sudden and alarming black night fell upon the prison cell. This was not the true color of night, but an artificial source of darkness. The screams, whines and meows were deafening.
“We are going to be gassed!” cried one, no doubt accustomed to prison life and fearing the worst.
“You son of a bitch!” snorted a raging Dalmatian. “You told us these PETA humans were on our side! We trusted you!”
“Kill the midget cat! This was his idea!”
“No!” Fido yelled to the darkness not perceiving where the threat was coming from. “You trusted him because you wanted something to believe. He gave you what you wanted.”
“Certainly not death!”
The frightened cat remained silent as the barks and hisses went back and forth. Just as suddenly as night entered, day returned. Lights and illumination came back on. A few dogs breathed sighs of relief, but others were disturbed, still convinced a fatal gassing awaited them at the proper time. The sudden darkness was perceived as a threat by their new human masters, a reminder that their lives would be dispensable if they did not submit to authority. It was a lesson, a dogma, that was hard to dispute with so many shivering bodies and sniveling faces.
There was only one dog there that was not afraid. Fido shivered when it was cold and shrunk back at the thought of being struck with an angry slap to the face. He cringed at the thought of being bitten by a younger foe. But he did not fear death. The only chink in his armor, as he himself thought, was his unwholesome concern for his younger “acquaintance.” He couldn’t fathom it to be compassion, so he attributed it to lust or ego, something far less disgraceful. He felt that all things should die in honor and at the appropriate time. He felt that while it was his time to die peacefully, a gory death of a young retarded cat was somehow unjust.
Fido worked at bending the old metal bars for a good seven days. His frame was too burly to fit through the tight and painful squeeze initially. However, after a few more hours of intense struggling he shoved himself through the narrow opening. He screeched at the painful stab that occurred halfway outside of the cage. He squeezed through the small opening until he limped along on his own two feet. His first thought was not of his own safety but was concern for his midget friend—a definite sign that his time to die was imminent. Really, what sane dog would want to keep living if his life consisted of doing goodwill towards pussies?
Fido snooped around for an hour or so looking for keys to the cages. He remembered the key—the device used to store living things, to keep dogs and cats contained in cells. If he could harness the power of this key he could free his newfound friend as well as his other furry acquaintances.
Unfortunately, breaking out of prison was the easy part. Rallying up these damaged animals proved to be a far more challenging scenario.
“I have keys. I am not sure how to harness these powers but once I learn I will get you all out of here.”
“Wait a minute” said the voice of one. “Who made you the pack leader? Why are you doing this?”
Another joined in. “It seems to me as if we are all here awaiting the arrival of this organizational leader. This one will be the one to save us. Why should we trust an old mutt?”
“He is not a mutt!”
“He is a brute! What dog from the east land hasn’t heard of the savagery of Fido, anyway?”
“Why have we come all this way if not for the deliverance of this organization?”
The munchkin cat, alarmed by the many vociferous voices, spoke softly. “I am not asking you to believe in this organization. Ultimately, I am hoping we can believe in ourselves. For the moment, I am choosing to trust this group of humans…”
“We will always believe in humans!” bellowed one charismatic chow. “We cannot judge the entire human race for the actions of some humans. Just as we can condemn the actions of one bad dog, we can also forgive ourselves as a species. We make mistakes. We do foolish things. Do we not expect the same of man?”
“I say we give these men a chance,” said Shannon, an older greyhound. I have known many good humans in my day. If you distrust them, they sense it, and they can become volatile. Theirs is a species that demand full obedience and trust. Otherwise, if we hold onto resentment, then we are at war with the species. This is a species I do not want to fight.”
“I will always love man, to my dying day,” whispered a widowed Pekingese.
Even the most disillusioned of dogs, here in death’s imminent grip, were not willing to abandon their faith in Man. Fido, now a tired and arthritic brute, fought his urge to run away and curse those who disagreed with his counsel. Of course he thought they were all foolish and gullible for their trust in man, but he lacked the spirit to venture out and fight against the empty wilderness. This is as good a place to die as any, Fido thought, as he examined the sterile environment. Dying in company with his comrades, a species he despised and avoided his entire life, would be a suitable death. To die in the arms of a loving companion is surely less painful than starving alone in an empty world, is it not? Fido looked down to Puffball, who was perplexed in his own right and unprepared for such leadership responsibilities.
“Well then,” Fido said with a droopy smile to his shorter companion. “I suppose our lives our in your hands, youngling.”
The cat looked away in trepidation. “Well…I understand your desire to flee, Fido. It remains an option. But I can’t help feel that if we are to run away now, it would be in a spirit of cowardice. We have no plan, nowhere to go. If we trust the organization just to a point, enough so that we can reach a better destination, we will survive longer. I don’t…I don’t want to see anyone die unnecessarily.”
The dogs and cats in captivity seemed to agree with Puffball’s perspective.
“…There is one thing, Fido,” the cat said. “I need your help.”
“What is it?”
“While I may believe in this plan, I am not dumb enough to leave the fate of our lives in the hands of middlemen and assistants. Most of these PETA representatives work for other men. They are not part of the central functioning body of this organization. I want to speak to the governing body of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The central chamber, the ones who make the decisions. For I have seen a multitude of humans in subservience to this organization, an entire assembly who do only as they are told. These are the warriors and generals. I desire to speak to the leader of this organization, the king and savior. I believe if we understand each other we can form a stronger bond and avoid treachery.”
“Like a peace treaty!” cried a mutt. “This is what humans do with one another. A treaty cannot be broken by the laws of man.
“If we can get this leader to agree to our treaty, then we never have to worry about man injuring us again.”
The dogs and cats excitedly discussed Puffball’s theory and put their racial differences behind them for a time. What an astonishing site, Fido thought, taking a seat towards the back of the room away from the commotion. An entire assembly of enemies coexisting as friends…
“Fido,” the cat said to his friend. As he turned his head so did twenty others and they stared into Fido’s empty eyes. “We need your help for this. I want you to come with me to meet this grand master, this all powerful leader. I trust you and I need someone I can trust.”
Fido nodded in flippancy. “Very well. If our plan is to meet this great one, then let’s not interfere with destiny.”
But how would one find such an elusive and antisocial figure? The head of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was certainly an intimidating presence, the some sort of profound inquisitor, Puffball concluded, a being so courageous and strong that he actually questions the wisdom of mankind. He determines limits on the compassionate behaviors of man and controls the collective consciousness of all humankind. Reaching the hierarchy of this governmental organization would be a progressive movement forward for all sub-human species—dog and cat alike.
Fido helped Puffball to escape from his cell. The two adventurers left behind their comrades in search of true freedom, a thought that kept the rest of the captives patiently waiting. They walked the echoing building carefully not wishing to disturb any of the middle class of human beings, the “mutts” and “strays” of the human world, lesser breeds not qualified to take the lead.
If this organization really was a superbly organized institution with a multiple levels of management, wouldn’t the idea of two small animals approaching the top hierarchy of human beings be downright insulting? How would they even gain access to the human’s home, no doubt a house hundreds of square feet taller than a humble dog house?
While Fido tried to figure out where the main headquarters would be located, Puffball had a different opinion on how to reach the central head of the organization. He explained to Fido that if these innocent cats and dogs were going to be killed, which would be a direct violation of the principles the organization stands for, then the all-powerful leader would be there in person supporting it or contesting the order. “Such drastic movements do not happen without prior knowledge,” said Puffball.
The dog and cat adventurers waited silently behind a door, as they heard human voices ascending from the south wing. They listened intently, trying to decipher the human code, but were unsure of the messages being shared.
“We’ve got a shitload of reporters out there,” one human said to the other. The president is flying down herself to address the media. I tell ya, it’s going to hit the fan when this story gets out.”
“What story?” the other replied. “It will not leave this room. Where is Daphne? Have you spoken to her?”
“No. Has the shelter called back?”
“No.”
“Just tell Liz that I gave the order. The powers that be are aware of this issue. We can fight this in court if we must.”
“Okay…” the other voice answered weakly.
“Hey…listen to me. Once these animals are taken out of the N.K. shelter they become our property. We are legally protected.”
“What about morally?” the other voice asked in exasperation. “I don’t think I can do it…I can’t be a part of it.”
“What choice have we? Are you going to take all these strays into your home, Brianna?”
“No…” the voice cried.
“Just tell Rob what I said. And for god’s sakes, tell him to dispose of the bodies with prudence. I don’t want people to read that hundreds of dead animal carcasses were found in PETA’s dumpsters, okay?”
Puffball and Fido traveled quietly forward, following the voices as they moved, but not entirely comprehending the conversation. They gathered that the human beings were discussing a yet-to-be-determined event, and possibly one involving murder. The duo settled right behind the desk of an office. The humans waited inside the inner chamber, waiting for more members of their party to arrive.
Fido tilted his head as he heard some exclamations.
“They’re here,” one voice said.
“All righty, let’s get this party started,” one voice replied gloomily.
Some of the conversation was obscured and some of the words were incoherent to the pint-sized investigators. However, some heavy and harsh words were being exchanged.
“…the Founders of PETA. Alex…Ingrid…”
“Nice to meet you…”
“What seems to be the issue here?”
The argument continued until Fido latched onto a word that he understood—a word that followed him his entire life.
“Dead…”
“They’re going to kill everybody!” Fido screamed, adding to Puffball’s state of panic.
“Did you hear that?” one of the humans replied.
“Sounded like a dog bark.”
“Dear God. The largest animal rights organization in the world and we can’t afford to keep strays off our own property.”
Fido’s temper snapped as his early puppy abuse memories returned to him. Puffball became afraid at Fido’s suddenly violent disposition. “They’re going to kill us. But not if we beat them to it. That’s the way I want to go, kid. Taking out one of these over-sized bastards!”
Fido darted out from behind the desk and ran into the opened door, showing himself to the PETA executive meeting. “Fidoooo!” the cat yelled in desperation. “Wait!” The cat ran into the rooms following Fido and rested his eyes on the alarmed group of humans.
“Looks like a couple of strays all right.”
“How did they get in here?”
“Looks like they’re best of friends.”
“Easy boy…”
Fido barked in fury.
“Be careful, Alex. He could have rabies.”
“Remember our mission, Fido!” the cat said nervously. “Don’t do anything rash!”
“I want to speak to your leader!” the dog barked. “I want to speak to the head of your organization! I am a dog of this land and have legal precedent! I do not accept your jurisdiction! Take me to your leader right now, or I will tear you all apart!”
“Well, he’s certainly all riled up about something!”
“What’s the matter, boy?”
“Ingrid, get Rob out here. Apparently some dogs and cats are loose in the building.”
“All right…come here, boy,” the friendly voice said.
“No! I am Fido of the Golden Retriever family! I do not accept your jurisdiction! Take me to the head of PETA right now! It is my legal right as a purebred dog! I will be judged by a court of my peers!”
“He’s becoming more hostile. Tell Rob to call security.”
“Don’t hurt him though!”
“Oh for God’s sakes, he’s going to be dead soon anyway.”
“WAIT…” a thundering voice said.
The voice was powerful enough to silence the human beings and to grab Fido and Puffball’s attention.
“DO NOT TOUCH THEM. LET THEM COME TO ME.”
“But Master…”
“I SAID LET THEM COME IN.”
Next week, the serialization of Raining Cats and Dogs will continue. Gee, suddenly the game Fallout 3 isn’t so much fun, right? Raining Cats and Dogs is a registered copyright (R) 2011 of The Late Mitchell Warren. A downloadable eBook of this dog fiction will be available following the conclusion. Raining Cats and Dogs is a dog murder mystery very loosely based on The Brothers Karamazov and in the style of Animal Farm. But it’s done with an all dog-cast. No animals were harmed in the making of this dog soap opera. This story is not PETA-approved.
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 1
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 2
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 3
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 4
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 5
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 6
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 7
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 8
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 9
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 10
Raining Cats & Dogs Episode 11
I like the motivations you give your dogs. Lights out and they start clamoring over their fears. Poor critters. Trusting no one, but still hoping there is someone they can believe. Kind of like the modern world, isn’t it? Trusting no one, turning on anyone who shows there might be a way out of their cages, yet still they cling to the familiar pecking order. Even after betrayal. I think this particular part is really a great commentary on the human situation.
I don’t like the implications here. PETA may be indirectly responsible for Fido’s death but the true murderer was the munchkin cat. It just goes to show you that you can’t trust munchkins. They are deformities of the species and are bred unnaturally. All munchkin cats should be put down.
I agree, there is something suspicious about munchkins of all breeds. Devious.
It never ceases to amaze me what retards are on the Internet. You’re blaming an innocent cat for the death of Fido? You’re trying to say PETA did this? Ummm no, it was clearly the cocker spaniels who betrayed Fido and killed him. I don’t care if this makes me sound anti-cocker spaniel, that’s what the book says. Tashi did it and his whole species of dog is blood libel as far as I’m concerned.
@Some Mutt, do you belong to Sarah Palin? Blood Libel is a pretty strong curse to put on all Cocker Spaniels. I do think PETA needs to be looked at with a magnifying glass, those stupid humans have been known to ask for bacon on their damn garden burgers. I don’t trust those two faced basterds.
It was Tashi’s fault. I told him over and over all good things come from Santa Dog as long as you are faithful to the pack leader and guard the den from Nazi’s. Did he listen? Oh, no. Like all Cocker Spaniels, he was too busy sounding off his yap to hear what others say. He’s made himself a big mess by trying to become a pack leader and include cats. Cats don’t follow pack leaders. They just do what they please, and you always have to chase after them to make sure they’re not digging up your bones or using your watering post to place their own deposits. It’s no wonder Tashi’s confused. He doesn’t believe in Santa Dog and he thinks he can climb trees.