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“Why I Removed the Craigslist Whores”

By Soccer Mom

Hello, all you “subversives.”  I am Soccer Mom, just an everyday housewife slash real estate agent slash fulltime mom.  I feel that we, the collective of moms responsible for removing the filth on Craigslist this past year owe you an explanation.

Now don’t get all bent out of shape.  There is still pornography available on the Internet for all your pedophiliac and misogynistic needs.  Enjoy it while you can before the cops invade your house and you find yourself in jail with the kind of “anal destruction” you DON’T like.

But I want you to understand why prostitution on Craigslist is un-cool.  Prostitution infringes upon the rights of women and exploits human beings.  Pornography and prostitution have one thing in common: they exploit the female body, something that is sacred and holy.  Whereas pornography is a rehearsal for the rape that you plan to commit, prostitution is rape actualized.

I will admit that I am a creationist and believe in God.  And yes, I am opposed to prostitution from a Christian perspective.  I personally feel that the naked female body is embarrassing.  The bible has always encouraged monogamous sex.  Jesus Christ did not look at women with lust in his heart.  God created sex to be enjoyed as an act of love and unselfish pleasure between a husband and wife.

What I truly hate about this modern world is how badly sex has degenerated for smart and single women.   I like to think back to a time of innocence like in the 1950s, or my personal favorite, the 1800s Victorian era.  This was a pure existence, without all of the oral sex, masturbation and dirty rubbing that the 1960s Kinsey generation brought us.

When did sex stop becoming about love and all about self-gratification?  I am proud to say that I am not one of those parents who taught my children “how to have sex.”  My children grew up innocent in action and thought.  By the time I had my fourth “surprise!” child, my other children were grown up and proudly abstaining from intercourse before marriage.

So yes, I could focus on how common attitudes about sex are not godly or natural, but I won’t go there.  I could focus on how witches introduced sex to Western civilization and how large phallic symbols are derivative of Celtic sex practices, but I won’t touch that.

Instead, let’s focus on the real issue: the economy of prostitution.  Prostitution is morally wrong because it treats sex as a commodity or a bartering act.  Republican soccer moms like me have a big problem with the exploitation of human beings.  My husband, who employs dozens of subcontractors, and is always looking for un-skilled laborers.  Why can’t these girls go out and get a regular job?

Men that pay women for their sex are taking advantage of a woman’s gullibility, and that has no place in legitimate business.  I strongly believe that if you are old enough to be having sex you should suffer for it.  The compulsion to have loose and irresponsible sex is a sickness and should not be exploited for material gain.  An addiction is a serious problem and should never be commercialized at someone else’s expense.

I know what you’re thinking, you cackling pen of left-wingers out there.  Why should a man pay for sex when he can have sex with easy Craigslist women for free?  Women think differently than men.  When a woman decides that she wants to have sex, it’s usually for love, commitment and for a hope of better things to come.  The point is, you can’t buy a woman’s affection.  Money doesn’t please a woman.  You have to put in some capital.  You have to put in the effort.  You have to grow up.  You earn sex with your honest intentions.  Instead of paying for sex, why not instead buy your girl a nice gift, take her to a fancy restaurant and take her to a romantic movie?

When you allow a man to have sex in exchange for money you debase the reputation of sophisticated American men and women everywhere.  The bottom line, and I know mothers out there will back me up on this, is that when we allow prostitution to happen on Craigslist or on the street, we take our own children by the hand and sell them into human trafficking.

By ridding Craigslist of prostitution, we protect our children from all the sex addicts, child molesters and sicko rapists out there who would defile their virginal 18-year-old temples.  Called me old fashioned, but I would much rather my daughter wait until a respectable wedding day so she can cherish her innocence.

My daughter actually had the nerve to argue with me about the Craiglist whores controversy.  She asked me, doesn’t legalizing prostitution protect the whores from pimp beatings, human trafficking and the spread of STDs?  My answer to her was, do these criminals really NEED protection in the first place?  Hmm, let me think.

What would Jesus do if he ever met a Craigslist hooker?  Would Jesus waste his time talking to such a gross sinner in the first place?

As for all those other Craigslist whores on “Casual Encounters”, I believe they do reap the consequences of their actions.  Parents, as a mother I exhort you to keep watch over your kids before it’s too late and they end up on the Craigslist “free sex” webpage.  Get involved in their lives.  Make them get a job.  Maybe enroll them in the legitimate theater.  Buy them a video camera and let them have fun.  If worse comes to worse, take your son or daughter to a psychologist.  Keep your children occupied so that they don’t get bored of life and start looking for sexual escapades.  Sex and children and all that good stuff comes later in life when a married couple is settled and content.

I think my ultimate beef with prostitution is that it’s anti-feminist.  I am, above all things, a feminist.  Prostitution is against women because it idolizes female nudity, capitalizes on a woman’s choice, and distracts women from getting the family life they all really want.

Prostitution is a crime against society, an injustice against true feminism and a corruption to our children, who are struggling to learn what marriage really is.  Let’s keep our children innocent and learning about things that really matter in this world, like financial planning, college, career, economy and everything else that makes this nation of ours so great.

Why We Did It

Why did we do it?  Why did we spend countless hours screening the newest ads and flagging posts that seemed to be soliciting sex?  Because it worked!  Craigslist responded to our peer pressure campaign to close down both the “erotic services” and “adult services” sections of their site after a public outcry by concerned attorneys general and everyday moms like me.

Contrary to popular belief, we the moms of the United States don’t have an agenda in all of this.  We could care less about how much money Craigslist makes, or how much free person-to-person websites cost the government.  Instead, we simply want to see Craigslist used for more wholesome purposes.  I used to love Craigslist before all of the ugliness occurred.

I remember buying my son’s first puppy from the community pets section.  The little fellow was so cute!  We both marveled at how darling “Millie” was, the way its little face would bounce up and down when it coughed and wheezed.  The way its cute little hind legs would close together and it would stumble across the room.  My son loved that puppy!

Millie was a very nervous dog when it first came to our home.  We could tell he wasn’t very socialized, and probably was the runt of his previous family.  He also had a grouchy little temper!  He would nibble at my hand whenever he wanted something.  It didn’t hurt of course, because it was such a tiny and harmless little thing.

What a darling puppy Millie was!  My children and I found Millie on Craigslist for a bargain.  Unlike the animal pound, which wanted $300 dollars for their dogs, we found Millie on Craigslist for free.  There was a $250 re-homing fee attached, but it just covered basic supplies like vet bills, dog food, shots and some other expenses.  Besides, Millie was a purebred dog.  Imagine the odds of finding a purebred dog for that price.  You see?  Craigslist is not all about the whores.

I still remember those fond times I spent with my children taking care of our puppy Millie.  The dog seemed sad to be away from home at first but eventually warmed up to us and was soon nibbling at all of our fingers!  Millie later got sick and we re-housed him to a friendly neighbor of ours who was an even bigger animal lover than we were.  He told us that he collected cats, dogs and snakes.  Imagine the menagerie going on at his house!

These are truly the memories of a lifetime.  Call me crazy but when I think of no-strings-attached fun and casual good times, I think of my family.  I think of our puppy Millie and the good times he gave the children.  I think of old fashioned tea parties I have with my friends.  I think of the power of faith and prayer…a force so strong it can touch several people at once.

I guess deep down I believe that all Americans have a proper place in our society.  I want my children to grow up in a world free of exploitation.  I want them to be able to buy a bucket of KFC chicken and enjoy every last bite without worrying that anyone is going to get hurt.  I want to be able to take my future son-in-law out to a steakhouse and talk about real issues like how to help the environment.

I’ve always been a meat and potatoes, eggs and bacon type of girl, so I can’t debate much about modern liberal politics.  But I’d like to think I know a thing or two about profiting from the exploitation of other living creatures.  I’d like to think I know a thing or two about human morality.

We’re America, people.  We stand for integrity.  We’re not Amsterdam yet so I proudly say “NO SAY TO DRUGS” just as Jesus did in Rom. 12:1 which clearly states that drugs are a defilement to the flesh.  And yes, we also blew down proposition 19 and rightfully so.  Real Americans say no to drugs and yes to the future of our children.

Let’s remember people, we are a Christian nation and have stronger moral conviction than the whores of Thailand, the dog-eating gooks of Japan and the forced abortions of China.  We PAY for our abortions.  Well, I should clarify we pay…as in we pay through blood, sweat and tears.

Jesse Jackson once said “I had a dream.”  I have a dream too.  I dream of a day when we will have a real feminist president who doesn’t waste time meddling in global issues but instead focuses on the family.

I dream of a day where no little ones will be exploited just so some pervert can put something nasty in his mouth.

You Craigslist sickos think you can “save people” by legalizing prostitution?  Are you left-wing bastards that sick?  Yeah, okay for the sake of argument let’s say we legalize prostitution.  Yeah, let’s do it.  It’s about time we started profiting from the oldest profession in the book.  Why I can see it now…

We can force these single mom whores to have babies.  Make them do something useful for a change.  Take away their Fred Flintstone Mifepristone chewables and force them to give birth.  Constantly.  It’s about time these whores learned what sex really feels like!  Three babies a year, triple c-sections and breast implants with built in catheters for pumping out milk until your nipples bleed! Seriously, why don’t you liberated sluts make your bodies useful for a change and started pushing out a few babies with all that unprotected sex you’re having??? 

That ought to teach those Craigslist whores to keep their legs together!  Why not, take six months off work, collect welfare, and start having a few preemies.  Or better yet keep working.  You know some sick pedophile men out there like doing it with a pregnant chick.  We could hook you up to a milking machine, a semen dispenser, and a baby sucking device and really put you to work!  Hey, I love coming up with crazy liberal ideas on how to fix the economy!

So in closing, why did we get rid of the Craigslist whores?  I think it’s fairly obvious why to anyone with half a brain.  We are what we are.  And anyone who doesn’t see what we moms see, is just oblivious to what’s happening in the world today.

51 thoughts on “Why I Removed the Craigslist Whores”

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