Political Science for Dummies

by Kevin Todd

Autor’s disclaimer: I finally found a site that helped me explain what I’ve learned about political science in plain words. My definitions are my own, but spoken from the same, practical understanding of cows.

DEMOCRATS…
you have two cows, your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty about it. You petition for legislation, and possible higher taxes, so the Government can make it easier for every one to have a cow

REPUBLICAN
you have two cows, your neighbor has none.
So what., get a better job and get your own cow.
Hire an expensive corporate lobbyist to sell the idea of buying up all the cows and charging your neighbor inflated prices for the milk.

SOCIALIST
you have two cows, your neighbor has none.
the Government comes and takes one cow and gives it to the neighbor, then forms a cooperative and tells you how to manage your cow.

COMMUNIST
you have two cows.
the Government comes and seizes both cows.
you wait in line for hours to get two quarts of milk and its sour.

CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE..
you have two cows,..
you sell one and buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY AMERICAN STYLE
you have two cows. one may be sick.
Under the new farm program, the Government tells you to shoot one cow, milk the other, and pour the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. You sell one and then lease it back to yourself.
You force the cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. you go on strike cause you want three.
You take a break for lunch and drink wine.
life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows..
You redesign them at the genetic level so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow, produce three times the milk, and are at the top of their class in cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
you have two cows. they’re all blond and drink lots of beer, give excellent milk and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately the all demand 13 weeks of vacation a year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
You put a hit on a rival corporation for stealing your cows.
You break for lunch and drink wine.
life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows and a case of vodka.
You count them and come up with five cows.
To celebrate you have more vodka, and count them again and boast about your herd of cows. The Mafia shows up and takes the number of cows you really have

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You cannot milk them because you can’t touch any creatures’ private parts.
You get a 40 million dollar grant form the US. Government to find alternatives to milk production and buy weapons with the money.

IRAQI CORPORATION
your two cows are in hiding sending recordings of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
you have two bulls.
Employee’s are regularly maimed and kicked trying to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You only have one cow but its schizophrenic.
Some days the cow thinks its French, some days its Flemish
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow cuts itself in half and dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some who like the black cow best accidentally vote for the brown cow
Some people vote for both. Some vote for neither.
Some can’t figure out how to vote at all.
A bunch of guys from out of state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows
the make a lot of real California cheese, but only a hundred or so speak English
Only a few of them are legal US cows
Arnold likes the ones with big udders.